Christmas is on its way!

As a family we LOVE Christmas. This is the tree after it was all decorated up! Oh now the kids just cant wait!

One Last Time

Cleaning through the cabinets the other day I came across a bag I had place there around 6 months ago. I almost cried when I saw it. Inside this walmart bag held a part of the past I was not ready to part with. I guess I had forgot the emotional attachment the bag held to me. This bag represented a big part of my life for the last 2 years. My life revolved these items. These items saved my daughter life, and made so she could live. Inside this bag was...... Gabby's bottles. I know something to trivial to many, but this is how i connected with her. Good and bad times. I cant say thank you enough to my sister for showing us these bottles. I think Gabby would have had her feeding tube place months before if it were not for these. I stood there thinking about them and what to do with them. Jazmyne came up from behind me and said the following words " You know mommy there has to be another baby who needs them bottles, you should give them to another baby" I guess all this "cleaning" out of our house had made her see that somethings are best to be given on. So we got out the bottles and washed them all up. She helped me dry them and piece them back together. One Last Time. When we were all finished I felt a sadness come over me. Again, part of me wants Gabby to still eat by mouth. Part of me wants that bonding time with her. I know its better for her not to eat by mouth. It will leak into her lungs and create many problems. So I took pictures of her bottles........... I am going to try and sell them but part of me wants to just stick them back up in the cabinet. I don't know if I can hand them to someone else. To watch that dream drive away.........

The unforeseen side of having a special needs child

Over the past two years I have learned more than most. But some of what life had in store for me I never knew. When we found out about Gabby I had no clue the financial strain it would put on our family. I have seen my children go from being selfish to selfless. I has an adult have learned that many of my "needs" were very much wants. I have learned to live with out, and learned to adapt what we have already available to us. About a year ago I was told how "unfair" it was that a local church gave us two $100 gift cards to purchase Christmas gifts for our children. It if was not for the salvation army, a local church and family my children would not have been able to have a Christmas. I have been made to feel ashamed that I do receive Food Stamps ($243 a month to feed a family of 6 that is around 60 a week) and our children do get all their copay's covered though state insurance, but even with this help most months we end up in the hole to this day. It if was not for the local help we receive this past month there is no way we would be able to have payed our bills. Within one month we made 6 trips to Akron, 1 trip to Toledo, several trips to Paulding (therapy and medication pick up), and 4 trips Antwerp and one to van wert (Formula pick up). Each trip to Akron is $100, a trip to Toldeo is $50, each trip to Antwerp being around $7, around $8 to go to Paulding and Van Wert is $20. So total in gas spent last month was $725+. Please don't forget this is just one child. We have 3 others. They are often told they have to "wait" until the last day of the book fair, because we have to scrape up the money for it. They are often told they can wear their shoes just one more month because there is no way for us to be able to get new ones that month. If I were to do a monthly breakdown of our money coming in to money going out, people would often see that we don't have it all that good. I am unable to work, If I were to work there would be to much income and we would loose Gabby's state insurance. There is no possible way I could afford her copays(Each surgery would be thousands). If I don't work we barley make it. We went from being a two income family to a one income family. I hate getting the mail most days knowing there will be a bill in it. John makes 11.83 an hour to provide for all of us. So to everyone that thinks we get it so easy, Just think how often your child goes to the Doctor, once every couple of months. I go monthly, several times a month. I spend hundreds a months on gas. Not including anything else Gabby may need. Then there are all my other children's needs/wants. I am not the only family out there like this. Know anyone with a special needs child? I am pretty sure there story will be almost the same as ours. You make a scarifies having a child like mine. You give up your life you put it on hold. You give up on owning that 100,000 house. Because you realise that a 44,000 one can do the same. I have learned to be thrifty with my money. I make ever dollar go as far as possible. Garage sale going on, but you find me there. I do have a small room full of items that most people consider "hoarding" but I know when I need it I have it. I purchased that item when I got it almost free. Because that was the only time I could afford it. Our Christmas this year wont me massive, in fact it will be just perfect. I have got most of our Christmas gifts on clearance over the past year. I will go on Black Friday hoping I can get the "big item" on sale. So this Christmas when you see that donation box at the store think about picking up an extra item and putting it in. Or when you see an angel tree consider buying one of the items. Its family's like ours that are on that tree(I can say for the first year since Gabby was born I have done Christmas all on our own). I have no problem saying yes we have gotten help...we will still get help from local sources(for gas to go on some of these trips). Everyone that has helped us has been an "angel" to us. So consider this year being that "angel" to a family out there. I know what a weight it took off our shoulders. :)