The joys of being a step parent....

Oh the joys of being a "step" mom. I first want to start off by saying. I have two "step" children.

Dillon 13 years old

Dillon and Kiera. I am an honest person so I will tell you Dillon don't live with us. He has not for almost a year (He returned back to Stacy's after the first nine weeks last year) He also lived with his mom for about months back in 2011. I would never not want to imply to anyone that he does. He comes to visit us for 4 weeks out of the summer, and some school year visits. He wanted to live with his mom and step dad. We always tell him we have an open door and he is welcome back at anytime. We don't ever pressure him, or make him feel bad for wanting to live there. We also don't question why he wants to live there. It was his choice, Of course I want all my family together....but I would NEVER put him in that position where we put him down or made him feel bad for living there.

Kiera 10 yrs old

With that said Kiera lives with us. I have helped raise/raised Kiera since she was 3. John and I meet i back in 2005. She made the choice to live with us, now she did live with her mom for about 5 months in 2011. Her mom would not let her come with us to Ohio,( Stacy's choice even though she saw the pain it caused Kiera -The judge wanted to wait until the school year had ended before the move) I know how much it hurt her, and that is why we let Dillon go back. I did not want him to have the hurt that Kiera had to go though. It was not fair to her. The same way it was not fair to Dillon to have to be here. John and I always try to put the kids feelings first. It is their lives we are talking about. :)

Its a choice to become a step parent. It not only means you are going to "marry" the husband but also marry his kids, and his ex and her new family as well. (At least for 18 years) The situation also gets more sticky when you have a step parent being a primary parent for the child. You have one Biological parent who will always feel betrayed or upset over the step parent getting to spend more time having a better relationship with the child. But in reality that step parent is with that child everyday all day. Helping do the role of the "mother or father" How the other parent handles the situation is always hard.

 I can say from personal experience that I am hated by bio mom. She is more worried about spending her  time putting me down, when her daughter is there that she is only creating a larger wedge between them. She is forgetting that my step daughter wants to live here. That she does love me and her family here, that we have a very strong bond. So every time she puts me down has something negative to say, or makes comments about her wanting to live here and put pressure on her to keep lies, she is not hurting me or my husband she is hurting my step daughter. Its very hard for her.I can also say my husband and I miss Dillon very much, but like him and I talked about he does not hold any anger toward step dad "Nate" for his helping of the raising of his son. John quotes " Nate is a good guy, who treats Kiera & Dillon good, that is all that matters to me" The relationship between my husband and his ex is not so good. After everything that has happened with the situation in 2008, all the court battles, there is just allot of anger at times. I personally don't care to deal with it. When I found out that I was having a disabled daughter I no longer focused any of my energy into a hopeless situation. I don't answer the phone when she calls, I give it to my step daughter. I sometimes do a transfer of the kids(Its 3 hours there and three hours back), but try not to have to. I don't like having to be in that situation. The last time I did it, we meet up at Children's hospital in Akron. (Gabby my disabled daughter had apts all day long) I had Kiera come with me as it was just a pick up of Dillon. Kiera had asked me if she could come and see if her mom could come an hour early so she could spend some time with them. I would never in a million years say no to Kiera.(with wanting to spend time with them) So I said yes, and with that I sat in my van  over an hour while they hung out. Its very hard for me. I personally don't like Stacy. I feel anyone that is willing to put another person down to a child has a lot to learn in life. I try and not even let the woman's name fall out of my mouth ever! And if it does, its to ask the kids "how is the pa family" because I don't want the kids to feel as if I don't care for the other half of their family. I have made many mistake's being a step mom, I will be the first to admit it.I have not always been the bigger person....there have been times where I have said the wrong thing or put bio mom down.I regret it, I know that is what caused the wedge between Dillon and I. It was a rough situation back in 2008, Cys was involved, the kids were removed from moms house due to failure of several drug test. The court hearings started, and my husband became full and sole. So that meant I became a full and sole time mom. It was hardest for me because during this year and a half span there was a lot of let down, and pain she caused the children. I became very bitter with the situation. we were primarily raising the kids (with a weekend visit twice a month to moms) ...then in 2010 we made the choice to move, (Jobs were few in PA) At that point it was the first time since 2008 that mom had a lawyer, and it prevented us from moving them with us. So against our wishes and what was best for the kids (Again my opinion) they had to stay there. Stacy and Nate were living with Nates parents, so we knew they would be safe, but I was at a loss. there was no court order in place other than we could not move them out of the state. So we got to see them very little....over the next 5 months. She did everything in her power to keep them away from us. It was very upsetting,(for the first time since 2006 we were not primary parents of the kids) we could go back to pa and take them from her, but could not leave the state with them.

On Easter 2010 the judge put out a 7(I think) page order that gave john the permission to bring them to Ohio. :) We thought it would picture perfect again. But the damage was done. The judge had wrote in the order where the children had wanted to live. Kiera wanted to live with us, and with that said.... Kiera's relationship changed for ever with her mom. We had to pick up the pieces, from what had been done. It hurt Kiera so much that her mom could turn on her so fast. Prior to the order mom was nice, for the 4 months.... Then that day it all changed. We knew Dillon wanted to live there, so it was no surprise to use, Nor did we make him feel guilty for making that choice.. We did however make him move here, against his wishes as the court order had said. He lived here for the first 6 weeks of school, and we soon came to realise we were causing him just as much pain as Stacy did to Kiera. He was not happy here, he wanted to live there. So John signed the paper work and back Dillon went. It does not mean we don't want him here, it just means we had to be the bigger parents, and do what was in the best interest  for Dillon. It was hard to let him go...but I see now it was what he had wanted and makes him happy. Since my daughter was born, I will and no matter what remove myself from the situation. I try and always be the bigger parent, such as asking Stacy what size of stuff Dillon wears, or what he wants for his birthday, but she always refuses to answer any text. Again, I would hate to get him something he would not want, but if she would rather that be the situation then that is on her shoulders. We are considering putting kiera back into therapy twice a month. I think at this point she is very hurt over some of the choices mom makes, and kiera's inability to be able to control them or stand up to her for fear of how she will get treated. So she just sits there and gets hurt over and over. So where do we go from here?

I am not sure, but day by day. I will keep standing behind kiera, always give her an open ear, and most of all love her and listen to her. I am the step mom that is her mom. I raise her, and pray that i am doing things right. As for Dillon, I will always love him, miss him, and love spending time with him while he is here. I don't talk to him over the phone or skype with him more for fear of if he says or I say something that could upset his mom I know her attitude will be to start trashing me right away. I know how hard this had to be for him. He intern says not so nice things about me, to her. I know he is in a horrible situation, but i have to believe in the end he knows I love him, that his dad loves him. We never did any of the court stuff to hurt him, to protect him till his mom could get better. I know I made mistakes, several, I know...I wish I could change them but I cant. So i hope and pray that the wedge that i had created between Dillon and I will someday change, I also hope that Stacy sees that she is making the same mistake i did and I pray that she stops before she creates that wedge between her and her daughter. Its already started...the words have already been said. It's how she moves forward from this point that will determine what their relationship will be in the future.

A step parent is more than just a parent: They made the choice to love when they did not have to.

~Maria









First day 2012-2013

All my girls are growing up so much. Its crazy to think we have a 5th grader, 2nd grader, and Kindergartner. Where has time gone? They look beautiful as always. I am so proud of you girls! We went up a little early to Kiera's class so she could get her locker all ready and decorated, meet her teacher, and she could check out her room. As always Payne Elementary understands the situation and don't mind one bit! :) Kirstynn was super excited until the moment I went to walk away. It was the reality of walking into the classroom and sitting down. Once we walked away she calmed down, and I could hear her laughing with her friends. I took Jazmyne down to her room, she shed some tears but as soon as her friends from preschool came in she sat right down next to them and the smiles came out. I cant wait to see what this year has in store for us. Good luck Roddy Girls! I know as always you will do great! Lets aim for C.A.R.E.S. awards, Honor roll, and 100 point club this year. I will be here to help you every step of the way! Love you!

Gabby made front page on the Paulding Co Progress!

Fund-raiser Aug. 11 for a girl with a rare genetic condition.

by Jim Langham Feature Writer

PAYNE-When John and Maria Roddy received a critical diagnosis for their daughter, Gabby (Gabriella),they grieved, but also prayed that as long as God would allow her to be with them, they would do all that they could to make her happy.

When Maria was carrying Gabby, there was indications that the child could be handicapped in certain ways, but it wasn't until the baby was 4 months old that she was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition, Muscle Eye Brain Disorder(Born with out the top of her brain)She also has dysphasia and infantile glaucoma.

Since her birth three years ago, Gabby has undergone hospitalizations for various reasons, including seven eye surgeries, two brain surgeries, G-Tube placement and teeth removal. "She has weak muscles, similar to a newborns" observed Roddy. "She cant sit, walk ,roll, or stand. She has an implant on her left eye because of the pressure. She went to the Cleveland Clinic to get her eye contacts.

"The brain matter that is there is like a cobblestone brain" commented Roddy. "It doesn't have the texture of a normal brain." At first doctors didn't think that she would make it past three months and then six months. Then her birthday came: 14 physicians said that she shouldn't exist, that she would never be able to show emotion. we just kept praying that she could have the best quality of life under the circumstances"

Roddy said that through prayer things have come to the place where the length of her life doesn't matter as much as the quality.

"When God wants her He will take her," observed Roddy. "It took me a long time to come to terms with that."

As word spread in Payne of Gabby's condition and the amount of money needed to care for her, community residents came together to plan an event to help support the need of caring for the young child.

Finally it was determined that an annual Good Times Saloon Poker Run would be utilized to raise funding for the young child. The activities to raise funds include a poker run, bake sale, silent auction, scavenger hunt, frozen T-Shirt contest, live music by Josh Denning and pulled pork dinner.

The run will be held on August 11, with all activities either being held or originating from the Good Times Saloon. Sing-up for the run is between 11Am-noon and cost $20 for the rider, and $10 for the passengers.

"We would like to help with the daily cost of her living" commented Amanda Morehad, who is on of the organizer of the event. other major organizers include Mike Denning and Terel morehead. "They take trips to Akron and Toledo for specialist" said Morehead. "based on a suggestion for a speech therapist, the family would like to purchase an IPad to help enhance Gabby's communication skills"

Special even times include bake sale 9am, silent auction 9am-7pm, scavenger hunt 1-4, frozen T-Shirt contest, live music by Josh Denning and a pulled pork dinner. Entrance free for the scavenger hunt is $5 per individual, with four people on a team. the pulled pork dinner, for those who have not signed up for the run is $2.50 per sandwich and $6 a meal. The meal consists of pulled pork, baked beans and macaroni or coleslaw.

Morehead said that she learned of Gabby's story while reading Roddy's blog. "i read her blog and realized they don't get that much help," said Morehead." She talked about her kids have to wait to get things because of Gabby's needs. Here they are, putting their sibling ahead of themselves, making that sacrifice.

"We hope that this fundraiser can help take some stress off of the family, because her kids have been such really good kids. We want to make sure that the kids can have something too. When I read about how they were sacrificing to help Gabby, it brought me to tears. they are really a deserving family," said Morehead.

Other elements of the fundraiser include sale of T-Shirts for $15 and live music by Josh Denning the in the evening.

In addition, those attending are encouraged to save and bring pop tabs.

"All of this has made me see every day as a gift" noted Roddy. "I've been counting my blessings,learning to live and appreciate the moment rather looking so far ahead. it has made me a better person, friend, and family member. Life isn't worth all of the drama we try to put into it"

"Our kids were selfish, now they are selfless, Since Gabby was born, they've realized the value of giving" continued Roddy.

To ask questions or donate, contact Morehead at 419-406-0597 or Mike Denning at 260-348-5456. There is also a facebook site, www.facebook.com/GivingforGabby.

*This is word for word what Pastor Jim wrote! : D I did this so those unable to read the paper can view about the benefit! Thanks again to all my family and friends! What a great community we live in!