The moment your world crumbles.....

I spent Gabby's first year of life begging God to give me another day with her as I drifted off to sleep that night. I begged him not to take her from me, because I did not know how I could ever live with out her. I never left her side, not for a moment..... She slept with me, sat with me, and was with me almost all the time. Over the last two years, my faith has grown weaker, I stopped begging him, and started to take for granite each day. I no longer was praying at night, stopped going to church, and almost for got about god in my life. Until about 5 months ago. When my world almost got sucked away from me. I got so wrapped up in court battles, Gabby's care, and my everyday life, but I still did not make time for him...... Not a single prayer...or thank you. Then it happened again, another seizure. Another moment where my world could have just slipped away..... Its that moment where you are looking at your child, who is turning dusky, who is not breathing you turn to him...You Beg, Please don't take my baby.....Don't take her from me. I sit here tonight bawling....... Gabby is a gift everyday. I keep forgetting.... Her tomorrow is not a guarantee. I sit here begging God not to take her from me. I see she is in more pain daily, but yet I see how she moves forward. How can her MRI report say so many scary thing, her blood work show scary results, and yet she look just fine? I am a mess, An emotional mess. No one else understands, the gut wrenching feeling I get...... How would I live with out her? Each report is mixed, positive and negative. I put on this smile, that I am ok with everyone I see. I fight her battles, and try everyday to help someone else..... But I am not. Not ok in any way..... I am a mother to a child who's tomorrow is not a guarantee..... Its a struggle, I want to think she will be one of the lucky one's who lives forever. So as my world crumbles around me, remember I am just a person. A person who's world can be taken away at any moment. When them moments happen its people who come via ems in a matter of minutes, who drive themselves to my house before the ems has arrived to clear the walkway, to get my other children upstairs, It the neighbor who opens her door to let the other kids into her house, its the friend who give me a hug when you don't even know how much I needed it.Its the fact someone will take a day off of work to help me when I need it, Its the person who is willing to drop their life at a moments notice to help with mine. Its the prayers that I don't even know that are around me and my family. Thank you!. You are the people that as my world crumbles around me are still my foundation. I am going to make time for God again, He showed me at my darkest hour he still heard my prayers, Because Gabby is still here. So for everyone who don't believe in a miracle, or don't believe in God, Just look at her, because by all rights on paper, and by medical terms she should not be here. As I read the reports its hard to see Gabriella Ellen Roddy at the top. They still suck my breath away. They still bring me to tears, when I am alone reading them.

This is the first moment I have been alone since Gabby's second seizure, It has hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am one of the lucky one's as I see all this sadness around me about other people's disabled children. She woke up today, and I will beg God again tonight to please just give me another day with her..... because I don't know how I could wake up with out her.........